Kaelyn woke with a start. She’d been dreaming again, the same strange images night after night. Thinking she’d heard Talar’s voice somewhere in the keep above her, she’d yell and pull at the cell bars but he never came. In the last couple of days the dream had changed. When she pulled at the bars one of them would come loose, and she’d climb the stairs, up into the kitchen, and look for him. She would search all over the keep, but couldn’t find him. Again and again she’d hear him, closer now, no, farther away, but never found him.
Untangling herself from her friends, she moved to the window. She stood on tiptoe and tried to catch a glimpse of the outside world. The silent, snowy landscape of the keep’s inner ward seemed less real than the foggy landscape of her dreams.
She reached for the metal bars over the window. They were so cold, her fingers burned at the touch. It was getting colder. She didn’t think it was possible for the temperature to drop any more. After that night, when the others thought she was asleep and had discussed the trial by combat, the wind had changed direction, blowing a frigid storm into their cell for days.
She glanced at the heap of bodies. Aric, in his sleep, inched closer to Gerid, filling in the spot she’d left and leaving Jillyn removed from the group. She woke and wrapped her arms around her chest, her gaze settling on Kaelyn. “What are you thinking?”
“I think it’s getting colder.”
“At least that means no more snow,” said Jillyn, shuffling to Kaelyn’s side.
“I’m not worried about us freezing to death,” said Kaelyn.
Jillyn shrugged.
“Look at Aric. You and Gerid have been talking about fever for the last couple of days when you think we’re asleep or not listening. I think you’re right.”
“We don’t want to worry you.”
“I’m not some child.”
“Well, we just–”
Kaelyn sighed. “It’s too important. We find a way out of here before Aric gets sicker and the rest of us catch it.”
“We just need someone to come down here and talk to us.”
“And I’m sure by the time someone does, we’ll all be sick, or–” Kaelyn stopped herself before she could say dead. The thought that she’d just sat there with the others, waiting, churned her gut. She had no idea what she’d been waiting for, and yet there’d been nothing else she could have done. She twitched at her inactivity. She should be doing something, anything. She felt as if she’d been in a dream all this time, as if she wasn’t acting like herself. A bitter laugh escaped her clenched jaw. Whatever being like herself was supposed to be.
“Father,” said a voice from outside in Meriduinian, “this could jeopardize the peace talks.”
Someone grunted, but Kaelyn couldn’t tell if Father was agreeing or disagreeing.
“We– You need to act,” said the voice. It sounded so familiar.
“The only reason you’re not in chains is because you’re my son.”
“And I appreciate that.” The voice didn’t sound appreciative at all. “But you must know–”
“Of course I do. And I’ll argue on behalf of the treaty when the time comes. Until then, it will be done the clan way.”
“And when does the clan way start?” It was the same voice from her dreams. Talar’s voice.
“You gave up your say years ago.”
“It will only get worse if you wait. The longer they’re imprisoned, the more they have to tell their Queen when they go home.”
It couldn’t be Talar. He didn’t know she was here. It was just her mind playing tricks on her, reliving a dream, a fantasy.
“Do you hear that?” asked Jillyn. “They’re speaking Meriduinian.”
Which meant they’d understand the southern language.
“Hey,” said Kaelyn, standing on her tiptoes, straining to see out the window.
“What are you doing?” hissed Jillyn. “Get down from there.”
Gerid stirred.
Kaelyn gripped the bars, clenching her teeth against the burn of the freezing metal and pulled herself up to look. Two pairs of breeches-clad legs stood close to the window, their feet buried in the deep snow.
“Did you hear that?” asked the voice who sounded like Talar.
There was no answer from Father.
“What are you doing?” Jillyn’s tone grew harsh, but remained hushed.
“We need someone to listen to us. They, at least, will understand what we say.”
“But we need to wait for the right moment, follow protocol,” said Gerid.
“Waiting will make us sick.” Kaelyn nodded at Aric sleeping on the floor, his face ashen.
“I’m sure I heard something,” said not-Talar.
“You’ll make it worse if you don’t follow tradition.” Jillyn grabbed Kaelyn’s arm and tugged.
“Look down.” Kaelyn squeezed the bars, struggling to keep the men in view.
One of them began to kneel, revealing two knees. Jillyn wrapped her arms around Kaelyn waist and tugged, jerking her away from the window. They toppled in heap on the stone floor.
“Come on,” said Father, and whoever was about to kneel straightened, disappearing from view. “Anything to do will be done in Carthway.”
“Hey–”
Jillyn clamped a hand over Kaelyn’s mouth
Footsteps crunched in the snow, growing faint with distance.
Kaelyn twisted out of Jillyn’s grasp and pressed her hands into her armpits. “I could have done something.”
“We need to go through the proper channels. With the clans, there’s a right way to do things.”
“If we wait for the right way, we’ll be dead. You heard them. They think we’re in Carthway. Wherever that is.”
“All we can do is hope on the mercy of the clan,” said Gerid.
“What about trial by combat?” asked Kaelyn. She wanted to scream at them, curse their propriety now when it had been their improper act of teaching Jillyn sword fighting that had gotten them into this trouble in the first place.
“Where did you–?” asked Gerid.
“Sometimes I’m not asleep.”
“Well, that’s not an option any more,” said Jillyn. “I don’t think Aric will even stand today.”
“We have to do something. Can’t you do the trial?” Kaelyn leveled her gaze on Gerid.
He shook his head. “I’m not a match to the clan’s best warrior. I wouldn’t want to bet our lives on my ability.”
“We have to do something. I would rather fight than just sit here.”
The door at the top of the stairs opened.
“A little early for the day’s meal,” said Gerid, his voice suddenly hushed.
Jillyn nodded and slipped back onto the floor beside Gerid, leaving Kaelyn standing in the middle of the cell. “Come on, Kaelyn.”
The door closed and the bright glow of torchlight flickered down the hall.
“Get over here. Sometimes they check on us in the middle of the night,” said Jillyn.
“Not unless you two are hiding some other kind of escape.”
The bearer of the light drew closer, its illumination so bright Kaelyn had to shade her eyes with her arm and squint to keep looking in that direction.
“Kaelyn?” Talar voice was flat, void of emotion.
She blinked. It really was him, standing there looking wonderful, beautiful. Her heart skipped a beat. “Get me out of here.”
He didn’t respond. She didn’t know why. Perhaps he wasn’t as happy to see her as she was to see him. Which made perfect sense. There wasn’t any reason for him to want to see her.
She stepped up to the bars, and took her hand away from her eyes. “Please.”
“I don’t know if there’s anything I can do. Ceremony is important to the clans.” But there was a hint in his voice that something else going on, something personal.
“But we’re innocent,” said Kaelyn, or at least she was. She hadn’t bothered to ask the others if the accusations were true.
“It’s not my clan. I have no say in their decisions.”
“What about your father? That’s who you were talking to, wasn’t it?”
“No. And he’s more tied to tradition than all of them.”
“Even for peace?” asked Kaelyn. “Is he a coward?”
Talar stepped to the bars and held one in a gloved hand. “That’s not fair. There’s a lot you don’t know about clan politics.”
“Or can’t remember,” she said with a shrug.
“Insulting my– Insulting the clans won’t get you out of this. If you had just stayed with Mac and me you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“Typical, always trying to make the problem go away. You and Mac didn’t want to bother with me. I was just a problem you couldn’t figure out.”
“That’s not true. You ran away from us.”
“Your big solution was to turn me into a political pawn. A royal marriage wasn’t enough for your peace treaty.”
Talar opened his mouth, but Kaelyn cut him off before he could argue. “Of course, that wouldn’t work, would it? Marrying me off to a clansman. You admitted yourself, they wouldn’t take me.” She doubted he had really meant those words, but couldn’t stop herself from throwing them back at him.
“But, Kaelyn–”
The door at the top of the stairs crashed open and many pairs of feet thundered down the stairs.
“That’s not true,” said Talar.
“Of course not.” She let all of her frustration and fear edge her words. “And there’s nothing that you can do for me here, either. How convenient.”
“Kaelyn, listen to me.”
“I’m through listening. ‘Mind your time, Kaelyn. Mind your actions, Kaelyn. Mind your tongue, Kaelyn.’ No more. If you can’t help me, I will help myself. I invoke your Goddess.” She wrapped her already sore palms and fingers around the metal bar below Talar’s hand. The air grew still. “I invoke your Goddess. I claim, by right, my trial by combat.”
Someone behind her yelled her name, but she ignored it. She imagined her words as daggers and threw them at Talar. “If I die. I die by my own hand. No one else’s.”
“The Goddess has been invoked,” said the shaman as he, followed by half a dozen clansmen, approached Talar.
Talar’s eyes were wide. “What have you done?”
“If my only way out of here is death, it will be tomorrow, or not at all. I’ll not starve to death for who knows how long and suffer this awful cold.”
The clansmen pulled Talar from the bars, pushing him back to the stairs at the end of the hall.
“What have you done?” asked Jillyn, her eyes just as wide as Talar’s.
“Taken my life into my own hands,” said Kaelyn. “I will not become someone else’s pawn. You three can do what you like, wait for the proper people if you want.”
“There’s no way you can win,” said Gerid.
“I die here over weeks, or I die tomorrow. If their trial is true, then I’ll win.”
“You can’t possibly believe in their Divine intervention,” said Jillyn.
“Why not?” Kaelyn bit back a manic laugh. She’d wanted to do something, take action, and this was her chance.
“Not some clansmen goddess. Everyone knows the Ancient Father is the only God.”
“If that’s so, and he won’t intervene on the behalf of an innocent, I’ll die tomorrow.”
“You act like you don’t care,” said Gerid.
Kaelyn pointed at Aric, who shivered in a fevered sleep. “I’ve been given a choice. Now or later. I chose now.”
“But–”
“My life. My choice.”
She spun away from them and marched to the other end of the cell. It really was die now or die later and she’d made her choice.
She had no idea why she’d been so mad at Talar. She hadn’t expected him to save her, but it seemed he hadn’t even tried.
She clenched her jaw. He was right, and that stung even more. If she hadn’t run away, she wouldn’t be in this situation now. But what kind of situation would she be in if she’d stayed? Engaged to some stranger. She didn’t even know if Mac had ever intended on helping her restore her memory.
She sat against the wall, watching Jillyn and Gerid converse in hushed tones on the other side of the cell. They were right. There was no way she could win without divine help, and she was certain she was low on the Ancient Father’s list of priorities. Of course, it all became quite convenient for everybody. She’d be out of the way and would no longer needed to find her memory. It would be nice and tidy, even for her.
For some reason, at that moment, tidy didn’t have much appeal. She thought back to when she threw Gerid to the ground, and the fight where she’d killed the two bandits. It had been so easy. She’d just let go and somehow she knew what to do.
She closed her eyes, trying to take deep calming breaths.
If she had somehow known what to do then, maybe she would know what to do when it really mattered. It was just like the bandits. She held that thought close to her, saying it over and over again in time with her breathing. Just like the bandits.
