Kaelyn held her breath. She’d dreamed of Wyndham asking her to go with him, leave their lives, and be together from the moment she knew she could never have him.
“Where are you going?” she asked, certain he could hear her heart racing.
“North.”
A chill filled her. She didn’t want to go north. North meant responsibility, meant worship and being something she wasn’t. “You know I can’t.”
“Sure you can.”
No, she couldn’t. She couldn’t let the clansmen continue to think of her as an embodiment of their Goddess.
“The clansmen have the utmost respect for you.”
“They think I’m an avatar.”
“Is that so bad?”
“How can you say that? Have you suddenly accepted all the responsibilities and limitations of being a prince?”
“I have.”
She stared at him, reading in his face that he believed he had. A lump formed in her throat. She didn’t want to be the one to remind him. She wanted–
She didn’t know what she wanted any more.
“If you have, then you know I can’t come with you.”
“I know.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her until the first stars of evening sparkled in the deepening blue sky.
At supper that night Mac announced he would travel with Wyndham to the clan council, in Carthway, to help solidify the treaty.
“And as the only healthy person left here,” said Mac, “I leave the administration of Rosewood to Jillyn.” He smiled across the table at her.
Dinner was played out in its usual fashion. Mac used his age to retire early while Talar and Jillyn excused themselves to sit in the garden, always leaving Kaelyn alone with Wyndham.
“I should go,” he said. “I have to leave early in the morning.”
“Yes.” She stood, numb, and escorted him to the front door. They waited in silence as the stable master brought around his horse.
And then there was nothing left, no more excuses that let them be together.
One last time. She’d let herself drown in his eyes one last time.
“Kaelyn, I–”
She pressed a finger to his mouth and met his gaze. Everything and nothing needed to be said. And yet she had no words.
Pain rippled across his expression and her eyes burned with tears. Now, even more than ever, Meriduin needed an alliance with the north. And he, just like her, knew where his duty lay. There wasn’t anything else they could say.
He held her hand and kissed her palm.
Heat blossomed low within her and tingles swept down her arm. He leaned close, pressing his forehead against hers. His breath smelled sweet, warming her cheeks and lips. If he just moved a fraction more their lips would meet.
But that would only make parting that much harder. She eased back, cupping his face and offering a tentative smile.
“Good b–” He swallowed hard.
“Till we met again,” she said.
He nodded and turned away, swinging up into the saddle and riding out of the courtyard.
She hugged herself, dreaming of clear summer skies. A cool breeze ruffled her hair and Jillyn’s musical laugher drifted from somewhere in the gardens. At least someone could find a little joy.
A tear rolled down her cheek. She didn’t move to brush it away, letting it hang on her jaw, trembling in the breeze, until it fell to the ground.
“So that’s what I looked like,” said Mac from the doorway.
She rubbed her eyes and sniffed. “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?”
He shrugged. “Figured you needed a friend right about now.”
“I don’t know what I need.”
“Come on, we can commiserate together.” He wrapped a meaty arm around her shoulders and led her back into the house. “I keep a bottle of brandy in my room for just such an occasion.”
“And you’ve had just such an occasion.”
He shrugged. “I once loved a Queen.”
She glanced at him and he stared back. They were more alike than she’d ever imagined. “What was it about her that captured you?”
“Her eyes.”
They reached the wide curved staircase and climbed it to Mac’s suite. Kaelyn sat in the window seat and stared out into the garden, while Mac brought a decanter of brandy and two glasses to a nearby table.
“What will you do now?” He poured the amber liquid into the glasses and held one out to her.
She took it, swirling the brandy in her glass. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t recommend pining away for those blue eyes.”
She offered a weak smile and took a sip. The bitter liquid burned down her throat, making her cough.
Mac chuckled.
“I could try suicide by brandy,” she said.
“Tried that,” said Mac. “It made me fat.”
She took another, careful sip. It still burned, but at least she didn’t choke. “I wonder if I’ve had brandy before.” She traced the rim of the glass. “There’s still nothing there, you know.”
“Do you think you need it? You seem to be doing all right without it.”
“The Goddess manifested as the warrior?” The brandy trembled in the glass and she set it down to still her hand.
“There is a certain wisdom in what they say.”
“I am not some avatar. I’m just–” She ground her teeth.
“Just what?”
“I don’t know. I can’t remember.”
“You don’t have to know who you were to become who you’re going to be.”
“But I don’t know who I’m going to be.”
Mac offered a wry smile. “Neither do I.”
She took another sip. The wind swept through the garden, rustling leaves and blooms. Jillyn’s laugher mixed with Talar’s rich tenor. They were becoming fast friends. At least someone got a happy ending.
With Wyndham and Mac leaving and Jillyn and Talar spending so much time together, it didn’t feel as if she had a place in Rosewood. She should go somewhere, do something. If only to get her mind off Wyndham.
The strange sorcerer in the forest had said there was a wizard in the desert who might be able to restore her memory. It was as good as any direction to go. “I think I’ll go to the desert.
“All right.”
“There’s supposed to be a sorcerer there who can restore enspelled memories.” She didn’t know why she needed to explain herself, but she felt she owed something to Mac.
“It’s a good enough excuse to go marching into the unknown.”
She pursed her lips. “I suppose so.”
“I’ll make sure everything is ready for you in the morning.”
She finished the brandy in one burning gulp and set the glass on the window ledge, tears welling in her eye. And so everyone went their separate ways. Hero’s tales didn’t end like this. But she supposed, this wasn’t a hero’s tale.
She crossed to Mac and wrapped her arms around him “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked, his voice gruff.
She kissed his forehead. “For everything.”
#
Saddlebag slung over her shoulder, sword belted to her side, and dressed for travel, Kaelyn stepped out the front door into brilliant morning sunlight. Wyndham stood by the front gate on the other side of the courtyard, holding the reins of two horses. He offered her a weak smile but didn’t approach. They’d said their goodbyes last night and she didn’t think she could bear a repeat of them.
She sucked in a quick breath. Fresh start. New adventure. Maybe a new love. Wyndham would always have a part of her heart, but Mac was right. She’d be miserable if she let herself pine away for something that could never be.
A few feet away, Mac hugged Jillyn, saying his goodbyes, while Talar stood beside them, holding the reins of two more horses.
“Everything ready?” she asked, uncertain which horse was hers.
“Yes.” Mac waved at Talar and the horses.
“I really don’t think I need a pack horse. I might be a woman but I do pack light.”
“The second one isn’t for you,” said Jillyn.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s for me,” said Talar.
“Excuse me?” She couldn’t seem to get her mind to work past that question to a different one.
“I happened to mention last night to Talar that you were going south,” said Mac.
Talar ran a hand over the closest horse’s nose. “I thought you might like some company.”
“And leave Jillyn?” She bit her lip. She hadn’t meant for that to slip out.
Talar’s jaw went slack. Mac snickered and Jillyn offered a melancholy smile.
“What are you talking about?” asked Talar.
“Long walks in the garden after dinner?” Well, she’d said it now. She might as well keep going. “If you love somebody you should be with them.”
Jillyn sighed. “That’s why Mac, Talar, and I arranged for you and Wyndham to be alone after supper all the time.”
Heat raced up her neck and flooded Kaelyn’s face. “Fine then.” She grabbed a set of reins from Talar’s hand and swung up into the saddle. “But no whining or complaining. I got enough of that from Mac. And he still had one more good battle in him.”
Mac barked a sharp laugh and the others joined him.
“Yes, oh Avatar of the Goddess,” said Talar, grinning.
She rolled her eyes at him, but returned his smile. It would be good to have a little company. The legends of Mac Theselon of Quinlay, the second greatest swordsperson to ever live, were always more exciting when he was with his friends.
Here ends Book One of Hero’s Calling
